He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
