There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
