You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
