Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
