My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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