i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
