I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
