I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
