threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
