I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
