I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
