I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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