Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
