I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
