God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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