worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
