i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
