So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize