he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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