Please, let me fuck your mom
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
God, you're like boner-b-gone
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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