guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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