my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
