The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
