Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize