took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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