You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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