I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
she told me i tasted like america
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
