I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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