You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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