I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize