Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
