why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
