he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
