it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You made out with two different species that night
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
