Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
