Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize