I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
