It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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