Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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