I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
