so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
