Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
