At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
