im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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