mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
