Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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