Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So vagazzling was a success
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