I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
