my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
