Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
