And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
