You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
