Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
