I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
