I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize