ugly people sure do ruin things
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
