You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
