tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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