Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
