This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
