At least make sure they are 18
Why
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
