It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
