I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize