The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
