Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
