I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
