I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
