I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
