paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
