I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
