i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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