I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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