I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
