Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
