i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
