I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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