I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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