remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
