I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize