the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
