she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
