i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize