it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
