i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
