butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
