My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
