just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
