Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
