You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize