So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
How external is "for external use only"?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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