I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize