be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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