i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
