Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
