Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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