there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
