Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize