i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
