i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
